Thursday, March 3

My cousin's dead, and here we are, not dead.

Here we are, confronted again of the limitations of existence. Morbidly I think -- when I found out about his death -- that one day, some person will tell some person of MY death.

What is there to grieve of a person you barely know? Let's face it, when you hear of the death of a person you know, may it be an acquaintance or a relative, you don't really grieve for them, but for yourself. Or am I only speaking for myself?

Truthfully, when I was awakened last night because of what happened (my Mom and Dad were frantically trying to get out of the door and towards the funeral home), I felt just this acceptance that he's gone. I accepted that just recently, I was being invited to his wedding, and now I have to attend his funeral so soon.

And then I have to think of the people he left behind. His mother, who's outlived a husband and now a son, his siblings, and his wife. Why, if I were the wife, I would be so mad at him for driving drunk without even thinking of his family, let alone himself.

What a sad thing, to have your life snatched from you so suddenly, without even a warning.  People say that he fell asleep on the wheel, he was so drunk. He drove head on towards a truck. I imagine him waking up to blaring lights, half-aware that that was the last thing he was going to see. Why do things like that have to happen? It's so morbid.

Most people I know would like to die while they're asleep. I want to face Death head on, awake. No accidents, no stray bullets. I feel I would be cheated out of my life, if I were to die like that.
It's such a pity my cousin didn't have the chance to choose.

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