Sunday, February 27

The Book Thief and Bookstores

Sometimes you read a book so special that you want to carry it around with you for months after you’ve finished just to stay near it.

That's what I felt with The Book Thief. 

I Am happy to finally be owning a copy of Markus Zusak's The Book Thief . I was surprised to find out that it belonged to the Young Adult Section. I mean, I always thought it was a novel, written in a different but beautiful way. I don't think it should be confined to YA. But, as I found out, Zusak is a YA writeer and I want to read more of his works!

I read The Book Thief last year, but this was first published 2006, and it was available in our bookstores only recently. It should've been available when it was first published. The problem is, bookstores here are never ahead of the market. They sell what has been tested and proven to be bestsellers. So too bad, other Zusak novels, you won't be available here until Markus Zusak has a book-turned-into-movie. :'(

Let me paint you a picture: The books on the bestsellers shelf, the one you immediately see when you enter the bookstore, are those books that have been turned to a movie, or have been endorsed by a very popular local celebrity, or is a vampire series. For example, Twilight is on the shelf, as well as The Percy Jackson series, and the Blue Blood series, and Nicholas Sparks novels, and Paulo Coehlo. Mostly nowadays I just see VAMPIRE SERIES, which make me sick. When will this obsession with vampires end? Really.

So the really good books are either unavailable or have very few copies of them left. Which is understandable because books are luxuries here.

I can't wait to finally be able to afford as many books as I want, and to live in a place where bookstores sell almost every book imaginable.

Tuesday, February 22

I got my Christmas wish

There's not much to say, but Thank you God! Wihtout Him, I would not have the confidence and peace of mind to face those questions and answer them to the best of my abilities. I may not have received a single one of my other Christmas wishes, but this was what mattered the most.

Wednesday, February 16

Those days when you conjure up a person

Did you ever think of someone so much, wishing to see them, that they actually appear in front of you? No, I'm not talking about hallucinations. I might have put it wrong.

I mean, the person turns up. Just when you were thinking of them. Well, yesterday, that happened to me.

Since I'm going up to Davao to play nanny to my nephew, I was fantasizing about how I'll meet my crush again. Let's call him Jacob. I just wanted to see him. The night before, I dreamt I was talking about Jacob to  my friends and that I thought I saw him, but it turned out not to be him.

While we were driving, I again imagined myself seeing him. He's just so cute you see and I'm so infatuated. Lo and behold, I did see him. But what's funnier, was how I realized it was him. This may sound so dramatic, but it's how it happened: As I entered the SM supermarket, I was looking for my mom. Then my eye caught a figure of a guy clothed in a blue V-neck and shorts. I couldn't see his face from afar, but even from there he looked really attractive. I thought, wouldn't it be amazing if that actually turned out to be Jacob? But he ws too far, and I needed to find my mom. I eventually did, and then I saw the blue-clad guy again. I wanted to see his face , was he gay? was he ugly? was he one of those vain types? But as I got nearer, it turned out it was Jacob! I couldn't believe my luck! And also, my bad luck, because he was with his girlfriend, Alice, which ruined pretty much half the experience for me. So there I was, ogling at Jacob's grace, happy with his girlfriend, who were both oblivious to me. I felt so shabby then. They were both so hipster,  with skin to die for, and I was shabby. 

But the point is, what if we had gone to Gaisano like I requested? What if I didn't accompany Mom in the supermarket? I wouldn't have seen him again. I just can't believe that after all my thinking, he would actually turn up. God must've wanted to tell me something. And I feel strongly that the message was: GET OVER HIM ALREADY. You've seen him, happy with his girlfriend, now get over it.

And I really will have to.

Monday, February 14

These Men

I blame February. This streak on love-related posts is all because of the month. It can't be a mere coincidence that I've been talking about love for the past few days. And later on today, I will spend Valentine's Day watching the Beatles' documentary on their love life in Bio channel. (Real. Life. Stories.) Yepee!

Anyway, this has been building up ever since I watched Inception last month but it finally has to be let out: I have a crush on Cillian Murphy. Gosh dang, he's always been this creepy villain in Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins to me, and starring as the villain in Red Eye only made it worse. But his starring in Inception has made me take notice of him. He is one hell of a good-looking guy.

Look at those blue eyes! That profile! Just watch him in Inception. He's a musician, a Beatles fan, intelligent and shies from the limelight. I swear, he's endeared himself to me. haha

And since we're on the topic of my Hollywood crushes, here are some of them:

Anton Yelchin

The Russian accent in Star Trek was so cute. Imma watch out for him in the future.

Rupert Grint

of course. He's so down-to-earth and easy going. And he's RONALD WEASLEY.

Shinichi Chiaki

He's not Hollywood, and he's only a fictional character, but he will remain one of my favorite heroes of all time. I want my Chiaki-senpai as well! -____________-

That's it for now, but I think I'll post new Hollywood crushes in the future.

Happy Valentines everyone!

Saturday, February 12

To love Him

It makes me sad to read about these people who don't believe in God. They are good people who don't believe in Him. I don't know, I just feel like they're missing something really big in their lives. I mean to me, there's no question about going back to the days when I didn't acknowledge him and believe in Him. My life is not the same as before. I've become more aware of the beauty in life, of the hope in living, and maintaining integrity. For me, it's really different once you've accepted him in your life.

So to see these people who lead good lives but do not accept Him, makes me sad. Just like the image says, Seek Him, and you will find more than you ever dreamed possible. I for one, think it's true. I'm not an enthusiastic church-goer. If you lived with my family...we don't attend religious organizations, we rarely go to mass, we don't pray the rosary, at least not anymore. Just worshipping him is enough. Besides, I find Catholicism to be too political and not very spiritual.  I hate that, so I don't support it. However, listening to his words is comforting and makes mass, when I do attend, at least bearable.

It takes a person who has sought Him and accepted Him to understand what it feels like to love God. I wish people would seek him more and live by him.

Something romantic

She looked into those eyes that pierce through her soul. She remembered how he would move with subtle grace, oh so natural, yet with such strength. He had a bearing that says he’s self-assured and you’d feel he can take care of everything unselfishly. He still had humility, he was goofy but when you needed an ear, he’d listen and had a lot of things to say about one thing and even more with just one look. She always liked talking to him, he understood her perfectly well. All these qualities were overwhelming her and she couldn’t help but smile and then sigh.

“What’s the problem?” he asked. So typical – as if he wasn’t aware of his charms.

“You can be so dense sometimes” she said exasperatedly. Though to whom she was irritated with she wasn’t sure: him or herself. She sighed again as if expelling the bad air out of her system.

Constance looked at his eyes straight on. “It’s just I can’t take this anymore. You’re so darn good looking and we get along so well. Being with you is beyond any fantasy I’ve ever had. You’re the culmination of every dream guy I ever imagined. It’s so unbelievable! Needless to say, I like you a lot.”

She slid against the refrigerator to the floor and looked up at him, emphasizing even more their height differences. There was a long silence. “You’re also very dangerous. I can’t even think anymore when I’m with you,” she closed her eyes and attempted to rest. Confessing like that took the toll out of her.

“Stan…” he said. She felt him crouch to her level and opened her eyes to see his face very close to hers.

“Oh please, Dmitri, do not even think of kissing me right now. I poured my heart and soul to you and I want to hear what you have to say,”

Dmitri leaned back. "First of all, who said anything about kissing you? Aren't we a little too full of ourselves?"

To an outsider, this would be considered the worst reply to a love confession of all time. But this was Dmitri. So she started to punch him in the arm, but lost heart because this was becoming a cliche. She laughed instead. "Oh God, you're right. We should probably get started on those croissants." Constance started to get up.

"No, wait." Dmitri said. "I think it's only fair that we should continue what you started.  You wanna hear my say right?" He looked at Constance with an enigmatic look in his eyes. He was holding her down by her shoulders. He smiled slightly. "I happen to think you're amazing. You're not like other women, are you? I like being with you so much, I don't know how not to know how to act with you. I know how when you get hold of a retractable pen, you can't not use it without pushing it a thousand times first. I love how (insert everything that Dmitri loves about Constance here). But caught me completely off guard." 

Constance was stunned. But not stunned enough to say this. "Okay, you can kiss me now."

-- February 8, 2009

this is what you get when you read Susan Elizabeth Phillips.
It really was a culmination of my fantasies. If this were turned into a romance novel, this would take part in the middle-to-end. I was envisioning this happen in a kitchen, in a bed-and-breakfast or something.

 My God this was so cheesy. I still laugh whenever I read this. But this would be my dream guy. Because he would only exist in dreams. I loved fantasizing about him. ;)

I had noticed that I wrote this on February two years ago, and now I'm reposting this on a February. Is this the Valentine's Day effect? whut?!

The ones in Italics are the ones I recently added. After two years, that was what I could add. I'm so sleepy and clueless as to what Dmitri would say, that I didn't get to finish his monologue. I just can't write love stories. Or stories. Period. I can only write snippets. I'm lame. I know.

The Fragment

The second poem I wrote in my entire life, if it's called a poem.

You'll always be a part of me, 
That piece of my heart is yours.
I don't want to have it back
I don't think I can.

See when you give a portion of your heart to someone, 
You can't have it back.
In that moment of your life, 
You invested your time,
You gave yourself.

In my life, countless fragments have been given away.
I turn, and they're back again, returned a hundredfold.
My heart remains whole.
My cup overflows.

I have never regretted having You.
No moment was wasted,
No fragment misplaced.
I had done what I was set to do.
You were right.

In the end there is no confusion and no bitterness, 
Because it feels like being a part of something greater.

And all it took was to share this piece.

The Paradox

by Anonymous

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller  buildings but shorter tempers, wider  Freeways, but  narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but  enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more  conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more  knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more  medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too  much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too  fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too  little, watch TV too much, and pray too  seldom.

We  have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too  much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to  make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to  years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble  crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but  not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned  up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our  prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish  less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to  hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we  communicate less and less.

These are the  times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character,  steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two  incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are  days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night  stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to  quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window  and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this  letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this  insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember;  spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be  around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up  to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave  your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you,  because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it  doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your  partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an  embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of  you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday  that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time  to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your  mind.


Life is not measured by the  number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath  away.

Friday, February 11

The lover of books

A bug, rather, a very small insect, lands on the 84th  page of the book I'm reading. It's black, and its three eyes, if they ARE eyes, look like black furballs. When I try to blow it away, it resists, choosing to stay on that page. I don't want to squish it on purpose. Maybe it likes to read too. Maybe it's savoring the smell of the paper, like I do, especially the brand new ones.

I see these bugs all the time, squashed between a book, dead. A bookbug. I wonder if it loves books so much, that to it, to die within a book, its last sight those of words, is a glorious way to die.

Wednesday, February 9

The Mean Reds

In Breakfast at Tiffany's, Holly describes the mean reds. It's feeling afraid all of a sudden and you don't know what you're afraid of. Paul said it's "angst".

I don't know if what I feel is angst. Isn't that something teenagers feel often? That's why they call it teen angst? I haven't been a teenager for two years, but I still feel like I'm twelve or something.

Suddenly I'm sad. After being cooped up in the house for two months, I feel like I don't know my friends anymore. I rarely hear from them and you know how I can't be bothered to load my cp. Who would tell me news anyway? I'm hardly the person you go to for gossip. Nobody's telling me anything, and I have a funny feeling they're actually keeping something from me. And maybe that's what's making me so anxious about. The fact that my friends can't even tell me what they need to tell me just makes me sad.

Feelings like these make me want to run away. I need to get out of here. I need something new.

Sunday, February 6

Of science and faith.

This post has like 5000 notes. which means there are more or less 5k people who agree with this -- I'm tempted to say b.s. but it's the belief of others. A belief, I believe is founded on the same ground as the Tower of Pisa - weak.

This is what I wrote when I reblogged this picture.

hmm. I disagree. If anything, science should make someone believe in a God more.

if that person was talking about Evolution vs Adam and Eve, then of course, I would not believe in Adam&Eve. Christians recognize this as a myth. Evolution is more believable, but in the end, it's just a theory. Much like how Big Bang is a theory as well as the Theory of Relativity, or the Law of Physics. If he had paid attention in science class more, then he would have realized that theories are not fact. Because they too can either be proved or disproved. They are just considered to be true. Much like how God is considered to be true. Scientists don't dwell on the provenance of those theories. They are just "given". We have to believe that it's true, or how else are we to understand how an apple doesn't stay afloat on air, but lands on the ground when the branch it was hanging on gave way? science, in the end, rests on faith.

do you think the complexity of living things is a big coincidence? we have plants that use the Carbon dioxide that we don't need so that in turn they can give us Oxygen that we do need. a woman has an ovary which fuses with the man's sperm so that it would grow into this amazing thing called a baby. And no matter what you do, you can't make a baby from a human and a cow. chimeras are fables (and have you seen them in Fullmetal Alchemist? they're not meant to be). science may explain HOW a fetus develops, but it can't explain WHY it works that way. It just does.

So it brings us to the question, what makes life possible? There has to be something more powerful and higher than all of us who designed everything so perfectly. Maybe the Big Bang was just really God in motion.

I don't know if people will actually read this or what they think after reading it. It's just a thing that I strongly believe about. Did I tell you that I was an 11-year old atheist? I'm reformed now. It's been 10 years since then, and I picked up a lot of things on the way. I guess if I had not questioned God, then I would not have arrived at this point. But here I am, and I think that God would have let me arrive here no matter what. 

Can you honestly look at a baby and not wonder at how amazing it was made? Lots of atheists believe in the nonexistence of God because all they see is how shitty the world is. Yes, people are shitty, but take away the people, and it's wonderful. I still don't get why people refuse to believe in a God because of all the bad things people can do. Or how a flash flood can happen, or because there are earthquakes. 

I don't know, but if I dwell over it more, it makes sense. Because there's a certain balance to everything. (And who keeps that balance? Mother Nature / God/ higher power). Good things happen, and so do bad things. Karma? Or whatever. 

When I was an atheist, I refused to look at the other side of things. All I saw were the bad things, and I cared more about disproving lots of things. I hated the Church and its hypocrisies. I was a pessimist, and it's so not good being there. I'm stilll struggling with pessimism, because I think that's my true nature.  The beauty of life is, you can choose how your life can turn out to be. I can go against my nature and be an optimist. 

Did I just choose to believe in God? No. It's founded by rational thinking. And faith. And I'm really comfortable with that. :)

Blogger, I'm so sorry for neglecting you

But there's this other micro-blogging site called Tumblr that's so amazing. I know I've made a big anti-Tumblr-camaraderie rule by saying this, but what the hell. Blogger deserves honesty.

I even used the same url there and the same background, in tribute to you, and because I like them both so much.

Also I have my personal Journal who I confide to more than I do to you, but I'm sure you understand. Some of them just aren't ready for the public eye.

I still do want to write on you, that's why I'll write almost all the things that have happened in Tumblr that struck me, and made me so passionate to rant and impose my beliefs. haha. But then impose is a strong word..I just, put it out there.

I have also quite neglected Facebook, except to play games there. haha. I don;t really want to hear about other people's lives, except my family's and close friends. I like my own little world.

So Blogger, please accept my apology.